May Musings

Predlitz - fields of buttercups for a change!

Now that the sudden extra snow has gone, everyone’s going around saying ‘the Iceman’s gone’ and a rash of geraniums and Petunias are hitting the balconies.  Dave’s now busy delivering filled window boxes all over the place.  Maybe in the next few weeks his hours will decrease a bit, he’s been working 50 hours a week since the end of March. 

Some of the fields which were filled with dandelions are now actually white with the seed heads.The ox eye daisies which used to grow all along the railway line at New Milton are ow dotting the meadow and invading my flowerbed. I can hear the sound (metaphorically) of Allen scythes being sharpened in workshops  ready for hay.  I’ve even seen some empty cow trucks trundling about, I hope now cows were up on the alms this weekend -bbbrrrrrrr! After a long dry spell, and headlines on the local news of how the hay harvest might be ruined(!), everywhere is fecund and green. Such a radical change in so few weeks.  Love it!

We have several pairs of blackbirds nesting around the garden and in the evenings there liquid song seems to be all around us.  It takes me back to the childhood  home in Winchester where we had the most enormous flowering cherry in the garden-  it must be well over a hundred years old now.  It’s still there as I’ve seen in an Estate agents brochure.  One evening there had been a sudden shower and I’d been indoors watching a programme on the Appleby horse-fair.  My head was filled of dreams of  piebald ponies as I looked out into the yellow sunlight was filtering through the rain making it glint like gold. The tree was laden with blooms, and somewhere a blackbird sang.   One of the moments of childhood that is filled with holy, spiritual beauty that the soul never forgets.  It probably is the root of why I have to have a cherry tree in my garden even now!

I think along with the spring, I’m getting fitter and dealing with the tiredness at last.  The need for the afternoon sleep is decreasing but some days do kancker me!  Each time I think I’m on an easy bog duty day, there’s loads to do! Maybe its the peace of mind I’m finally achieving over Erna.  I think a little caffeine is helping in the mornings too.  Now whether its menopause or I’m listening to my music but I’ve really got to watch my absent-minded ness, Saturday I left the cleaning fluid in the showers and yesterday put a key into the bin, needing an hour before I found it!!!!!!

Edith has done a brochure for Tu was, and next Monday we go to the Jagglerhof  ( A restaurant by the farm across the river) to do a ten minute presentation.  Next evening we’ll hear if we get the cash.  I was angry when I aw the brochure, for various reasons, but unnaturally so – displaced anger from Erna?   I prayed and I hope I wasn’t as horrible as I thought I was!

Paggy is so much better.  We had our garden inspected by him , and passed!  Its the first time he’s got so far from his flat for ages!

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Fifth week at the Burg

View from the swing seat!

There was the most almighty party at the Burg this weekend.  A group of Germans had a theme party set in the 1920s and were all in costume. They proceeded to drink and carouse the entire weekend. 

The Boss  from Salzburg was there at breakfast time, and Helmuth was telling him about the visit from the kitchen police. Because the Burg has groups of children visiting, it is now in a different category from a Guest house.  Hence in a years time, we will not be allowed to eat in the kitchen, and the big table must go.  I said maybe it should be put under heritage status so they couldn’t move it. Everyone has to change their footwear when they go in, so how are they going to get the wood in for the cooker, which has to be brought in on a wheelbarrow?  Its seems political correctness and jobs worth nor thinking  is in Austria too!

PS. Helmuth’s had the report, they have until the 15th June to change everything!  Can’t see the cooks carrying the wood somehow!

Some one had a black feather boa for the party on Friday and there were several worn on the Saturday night.  Result; the entire week spent finding feathers around the Burg and having to clean the bar at least three times.  My suggestion that actually we needed to get the one and only hoover and suck up the feathers was ignored.  Erna couldn’t see her manic sweeping was spreading them, and when the floor dried after her mopping, there were still bits everywhere. The place was such a wreck that it had Erna off on a hysterical trip on Monday too. Ranting at Helmut that we should be going in cleaning the loos on Sunday morning, ignoring the fact that  most people were sleeping the overhang off and then going home.  I’m not going in to clean bogs on a Sunday, she can do it!

It didn’t help that last Friday, she really upset Michaela.  She told Erna several times that she didn’t like brown skinned bananas , as we  were eating some.  To which Erna replied, well it’s not surprising that your children have turned out so difficult!   She hasn’t even met the twins, I have and they’re two intelligent, cheeky, normal kids.  What a thing to say.  The result was that on Monday, a deeply upset Michaela refused to speak to Erna unless necessary, leading to Erna having a go at her about stupid things, like not doing a cupboard, which Michaela had simply just not got to do.  Erna was totally manic, we went for a coffee (me) fag (Michaela) break after lunch and before we were finished, Erna leapt  to her feet and stayed there until I’d hurriedly gulped it down.  She then rushed through cleaning to be finished by 2, ending in us sitting in the shower room on the bench because we were too quick.  Michaela is going to talk to Helmuth, after all if we finish late, we’re late, the other departments are always doing extra hours. If Erna wants to be obsessed with finishing at a certain time, she can!

I felt stuck in the middle as so many times in my life, yet I was completely at peace if not tired.  It probably would be different if I was at the receiving end.  I tried to repay evil with good, and be at peace with all, am I finally learning?  I’m very aware I shouldnt have indulged in the Erna bashing, but did try to say to Michaela, are you sure, is that right ? and to try to keep a perspective…… I’ve had a lovely quiet day off today, planting the toms and Cucs in the green house. tomorrow is another Erna day, I hope Michaela has spoken to Helmuth.  Then next week will be really difficult.  I’m working six days through, with three Erna  days plus the Jury and decision about ‘Tu Was’ and if we get the money to work with the Asylum seekers.  I’ll be like Helmuth the other day, falling asleep in the Nashkammer….

Day Five and some resolution

Spot the Burg, the ruin of Burg Klausegg, Seetal

I really prayed into today, that Erna would be ok, that I would be ok and I claimed my peace. I needed to repent of my negative emotions and take control of them through Holy spirit.  Result. Erna didn’t actually talk to me a lot, we seem to be ignoring each other, fine by me, I can live with that!  She told me off for cleaning wth Cif and to do it when we had time later, and I rebuked my reaction.  Calm down, its her decision as boss, she wasn’t being actually angry, even though I did retort we didn’t need to do the Kapelle trakt and the showers all today, we have time tomorrow and so had time.  She’s off till Monday and so Michaela and I can work in peace.  I’m working Saturday, but Michaela reckons we’ll get Thursday off. We’ll see. I might have to cycle there too.  Still I don’t expect I’ll be as knackered as last week.  Maybe at last I can feel relaxed and  enjoy the job. 

Erna chucked an empty cardboard box out of one room that just missed me, and she sniggered, obviously not realising I heard her, and actually for once I quite liked her.

The Wall

For  a long time, I’ve felt that the future was a blank, blind wall, where I couldn’t see any future for me at all.  Maybe it was my health scare (another blog to come) that was the wall, I had a vision of death and felt there was nothing else left to do in this life.  Since Christmas, I’ve seen as far as the autumn, working at the Hotel until spring then at the Burg.  A dull prospect, but it feels fixed and is more of a glimpse than I’ve had before.  Yet I have to learn to deal with difficult people (and angry Austrians) such as Lois and Erna.  I’m loving my writing and the Blog, the autobiography has made me understand myself so much more.

My heart wants to go back to teaching riding and being with horses. I’ve distanced myself from the yard and the horse Rodi because I felt the door closed.  I did have the idea of seeing if Pippa was still interested in taking Lois’s over, and someone said that the Norriker yard needs a teacher for the summer and doesn’t work on Sundays.  Have I got the weekend fixation too much?  I don’t know.  It all seems so bland, but there’s the start of the church group in March, I should be excited about that.  Maybe, maybe the guy at Tweng will ring me and I’ll have to at least go for an interview….

Now that the job at the Hotel has gone, the wall is sort of back.  I asked and asked God what the problem was, and the answer was a deep peace, which I followed and had during the sacking and through till now. Except that Edith and I may take the leap and start therapy work after all.  A mixture of therapy for customers such as families, teenagers with problems, team building days for companies, and also therapeutic holidays.  The idea to combine ground work with the horses, some riding, day treks for experienced, literature, local culture , faith and maybe literature, a new concept for holidays. Edith is writing a brochure and I’m making a Powerpoint presentation.  Then we can start in spring – maybe March then I’ll have to decide if I go back to the Burg or take a gamble for the summer.  If it doesn’t pay off, then it’ll be back to Obertauern for the winter………the wall is lifting.

Perspectives

Dampfbummel

I’ve just enjoyed a wonderful few days with George and Michelle here, we did loads of touristy, trainy stuff, ate out and just had a good time.  Its helped me to step back from the work perspective and get a grip on things.  As I write, as far as I’m concerned the Burg is a million miles away and its at most for only a couple of months more.  I’m definitely going to go and play with the ponies as it’s a way of testing God’s will and peace.

Years ago, during the teenage years, I’d see middle aged couples on holiday with what were obviously their adult children and despaired of my two ever being adult enough to do this too.  DUH moment – what have we done since leaving GB with our kids???  Maybe we weren’t quite the catastrophe parents I thought we were. Sometimes things need to be spelt out to me!

I’ve chickened out of taking HRT, I’d rather have the more level playing field which I have most of the time.  So I went to see the Thyroid doctor who took one look at the side effects of the HRT and asked me why I should ever think of taking the stuff.  He’s upped my thyroid medicine and more blood tests this week.  Maybe that’s whats behind all this.

Windows oder die Fenster ?

Another Garden shot

Wandering across the  Hof in the Burg, I had the greatest surprise of the summer.There was Sue, a Swiss lady with two lovely daughters who I had first taught riding in St Micheal and then last year at Lois’s.  Sue is a great rider, and I can still see the startled expression on Dellingur’s face when he suddenly realised he couldn’t get away with being a lazy horse and  had to do some work.  His eyes were on stalks!  This year Sue had rung Lois who had been evasive and refused to give her my number.  They have now gone ot another stables, but we’ll try to meet next year.  Is this my window or just a huge God incidence? I was overwhelemed with surprise and happiness at this.

Since then Erna has been again horrible to me, blanking me and treating me like the village idiot and I’ve been getting tireder and tireder.   I’ve been watching Andrew Wommack’s programmes on following God’s will in your life, and he’s been talking about how his heart had suddenly changed, when he went into TV ministry, as earlier he had no desire to do do it.  Like wise for his Bible school.  Am I conveniently following this auto suggestion?  I went riding with Edith last week for the first time for ages, and she said Lois is closing down this autumn.  Most of the school horses are sold to local kids but will stay there as liveries. Shes’ right, this is our chance to start some therapy work as everything changes to livery and a small group of riders sharing the stable together.  Is it God’s idea , showing me a window back into the past and future with horses with this chance meeting or just my self delusional wishes??????

I’m putting my titles into German now as I get loads more viewings like this!!!!!!!!