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Muddling through in Austria; God, life and a small black dog

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The raising of Lazarus

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One of the things that has been taught to me while here is the skill of patience. I’m beginning to get the idea, but I’ve still a long way to go. I’ve James Merrit to thank for this teaching and it’s one that was a real WOW moment.

When Lazarus dies is the one and only time that Jesus delays doing anything, hanging around before he sets off for Lazarus’s home. He even says that he has hung around so that God can be glorifed in what will happen. No doubt this had the Apostles scratching their heads, what was he on about now?  Mary and Martha meet them on their arrival and complain of his delay, it certainly tested their faith.

 We can’t understand why God appears to wait about and not answer our prayers. But the answer is,when we’re in his will, that in our long wait our faith is tested, especially when we’re hanging on by our fingernail. The end point causes an explosion of faith, truth, belief, worship and wonder, that we can suddenly see the lessons, the blessings and how our journey has an amazing end.  It’s a testing,a proving and a blessing. Like Mary and Martha.

The point is two fold. When we don’t know what will happen, we seek ways to increase our faith, hang on and believe. When the end point happens, we are there, in our spiritual explosion. But if the example here is understood, it should increase our faith as we are tested because we have the example of the explosion of faith and belief at the time of Lazarus. So the knowledge that it will come and be amazing  itself increases our belief. We just need to know there will be an end point and it’ll be fantastic. This is our  faith builder. When we understand this story. And it’s a catch 22.

Lazarus was the only guy Jesus shared the podium with, because his resurrection caused an outpouring  of faith and  belief in Christ which had the Jews plotting to kill Lazarus too. It burst though all the hardened hearts of that time. It set the grounds for the  resurrection.  I did wonder, is this a gimmick, a miracle to increase belief? But its not a trick! Such wonders are of God and if I need such a test to have a fantastic breakthrough, I’m holding onto this journey with more hope that ever before.

John 11, 1 – 12,10

Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”

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As Ive said, I’ve been seeking God a lot more since loosing my job, 8 in 6 years is a bit ridiculous.  I’ve had the homesickness to deal with, and I’ve had a sense of having lost our way here.  A brick wall. I’ve been  focusing in on Mathew 7,7, as well as looking at the stories of Mary and Martha, I’m a convicted Martha and Dave a Mary.  It’s interesting they both say exactly the same thing when Jesus arrives after Lazarus has died.  I digress.

I’ve felt for a long time that I must put all the old things behind, the horses as work in particular, I haven’t ridden for over a year and the nerves are coming back.  Dave hasn’t even perceived this but has said, why are you cleaning, you can do better than this? Not good for the arrogance!  I’ve thought, maybe erroneously that I had to give up all of self, but there has been a nagging sense that while the job was relatively stress free, there was an underlying deep sense of boredom.  Then again, I’ve done different cleaning jobs all through my life it’s a fall back. Maybe it is that God had only meant me to serve through cleaning, not all my own aspirations such as writing.  Maybe I’ve started grasping his lessons about life through these jobs, and I can move on.  But surely to go back is a mistake, you should look forward?

There’s also the Mary, Martha situation. I have to go out and try things, step out and at least find out if they are wrong.  For example, telling people that we are looking for work, Dave especially in the garden. Dave thinks we should just sit on our bums on the sofa and wait for it to arrive in our lap. He got cross the other day when I mentioned to some people that we were thinking of starting a business, but I’d felt prompted to do it.  Who is right? Surely there is a balance of both, half of Dave’s trouble is that he has no self-confidence and is scared of failure.  Id rather make a mess than not do anything.

I was at the Lois’s stables  the other day, having told Dave I was going to give up the lessons.  I was well aware I was whining about my situation, and I shouldn’t be doing it , but at least I could be upbeat  next time!  But out of this, the Mum of the girl I was teaching wants to go on with me, not her daughter going to Lois to ride, and she wants  me to do some English teaching.  I’ve done this before but after a lad I’d coached still didn’t pass an exam, I felt underqualified and useless and gave up. Then I shot myself completely in the foot. The next day came a phone call from a local estate agent who I used to do some translating for, asking me to go out on a visit with him to translate.  I was so chuffed, and said things to come around, so Dave had to rub it in, just what I said about waiting – arrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh!

So have I a few years ago taken a wrong turning?  I felt God leading me to working at the Burg and his God-incidences led me to this previous job.  Or was it a direction he had to take me to teach me things, then lead me  back with a new knowledge on this path, of horses and teaching which was his way all along?  Both?  I’been praying for a new thing, but maybe it’s within the old, I did have an attitude problem about going back but consciously prayed whatever he wants, I’ll do. I’m surprisingly happy about the whole thing, the only thing is, how will I earn enough?  I’ve felt maybe this unemployment will enable me to use the self-employed advice centre here, but all is so regulated here, could I do an all-purpose jobbing self employment, and what about our project?  I know, trust and stop manipulating, but I can tell this estate agent about how things are when he asks????????