Grace

Burg Finstregruen

Walking around a golf course, now full of golfers catching up after the snow, I’m now listening to a teaching on God’s Grace.

Here’s the latest revelation which took a couple of days to sink in. When we come to believe in God, he takes us as we are. Warts and all. Unperfect. Then as we receive Jesus our spirits are made perfect, it’s only the soul, our thinking part that stays in the carnal and needs to be renewed by the word of God.

So we will sin again, we live in a fallen world. So why is it religion then puts all these laws on us? In church you must tithe, read the Bible, do this, do that to do what God wants us to be, so we’re still in his good books.

NOOOOO. We have the Grace of Jesus within us, and all is forgiven. But we are human, God never found a perfect person here, we’re all damaged, but he’s forgiven all, past present and future. Mr Wommack says the only way we can stay perfect on earth is for him to shoot us as we come out of the waters of baptism before we can even say a word. God uses us wonky folks.

So churches, stop binding us by rules that will make us get back in God’s grace again, it never left.

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Putting God first

There is so much stuff going around in my head at the moment, but it’s all good. As is usual for me, writing it down helps a lot.

After reading, The Dean’s watch’ it was like the days when I spent time mediating and I felt spiritually aware and so close to God. So, of course, there came a form of attack, particularly in my health. Maybe it was a bug, but I was so tired and my legs were aching.

So, I got back straight away into rebuking illness, not letting it walk all over me like it did before Christmas when I had three bugs, one after another. I cursed illness in the name of Jesus, 1 Peter 2, 24. I was, am and will be healed by his stripes. Using my imagination, I saw this little blue ball with arms, like a jelly baby and spiritually I either poked it in the stomach or kicked it out the room.

I also re-iterated that I am walking in spiritual healing, every test the doctors have done on me this year has been negative. There is nothing wrong with me. Maybe it has all been in my head, symptomatic of my longing to return to the UK. Whatever, I’m now walking in healing. I’m not striving, I’m not fretting, just each time it starts away at me, I’m kicking at it.

The healing power of the word

After my last post, I was really mithering on about my pain over the kids and letting my emotions gambol all over me. Then in the evening, I was happy again. A post on FB about pit ponies which I’m researching for my next book, was bringing in loads of great comments and I was thinking I must copy them down.

Then I got a message saying my post went against community guidelines, as spam! The way it read was the repetition of the word ponies had woken up some stupid algorithm. Post gone, account blocked until I put a new password in as it then thought someone had accessed my account. I was good,  I would just go with it, so I posted on the group what had happened and thanked them.

In the morning, it was still very cold and frozen and I really didn’t want to go an do my voluntary work with the Riding for the Disabled. This has been havering on inside for a while, and I don’t understand. Maybe it has something to do with all the sessions I missed before Christmas when I was ill. Its the one time a week I get out of the house and do something on my own, with like-minded people. Is it being stuck in a rut, not having driven on my own for a while, or God changing my mind? So I cancelled, only to find there was no session due to the ice.

Still in a turmoil, I came to my room and read my daily reading, my hand itching to switch on the laptop and sort the FB thing out. I resisted. When done reading,  I  changed the password and realised I had my peace back again.

It was the word, seeping into my sub consciousness and calming me. Next time you’re in a state, Anna, pick up the word. READ IT. You don’t have to meditate on it, just let those powerful words heal your emotions. It happened again another morning, same result, it works!

Easter healing

I think this Easter was the best I’ve had for many years. Not only the joy of being in a church community, with people singing away in English, and my favourite songs, but also the joyous feeling of being in the love of God. He was all around us. I like the chapel we sing in, it faces east and gets the morning sun like the one in Mariapfarr did. I can watch the light on the flowers, window, table and the book, reflecting the glow of his love. And that bit’s every week.

Then I began to feel challenged by God about healing. After all, Jesus died for our sins, and conquered sin itself. Illness is a by product of sin. Jesus conquered sin, by his stripes, we ARE healed. So I knew what he was saying. Like others, you have to make a step to receive your healing, not sit there like a dummy.

Oh, no Lord, not take the communion wafer? I’m too scared. For a long time, due to my gluten intolerance, I’ve been giving mine to Dave. And I knew deep down this was wrong.

Then at the end of the sermon, there came a challenge. Maybe you have been coming to church for years, but you haven’t really accepted Jesus. And I knew. If I’m a Christian, I have to act like I really do have this belief. I had to take the step.

So I took the wafer. No reaction. And I know I’m healed. I’m not leaping about because I have to battle my unbelief on this one. I will take the host over the next few weeks and show myself that it is true. Then with baby steps, without fear, it will manifest and I will be able to eat normally. God knows I will have to overcome my over thinking. But wow, what an Easter!

God TV – moral failure

We were really surprised when we heard that Rory Alec had stepped down as CEO. Dave and I have our disagreements with some of God TVs fundraising, not trusting some of the people they trust and haven’t given so much lately. In fact their last appeal had a huge shortfall- we didn’t like the idea of buying bricks and putting a Bible under the altar – that’s daft and non biblical.  But this explains why there was a blockage. God expects a lot more from his people in key roles, and such sin would block things spiritually.

HOWEVER!  Rory is just a man and maybe they had all forgotten this and were so super spiritual that they thought themselves immune from attack. So what now? Forgiveness, repentance and Rory needs to at some stage, when he has sorted himself with God and his wife, to be brought back into the fold. What a chance to show the love of God and how repentance and forgiveness works. Or perhaps  Rory doesn’t want to give it up, and she doesn’t want him back. Human, weak and fallible,  God uses the weak of the world. What a chance for great things to come from this.

Pills, palpitations and panic attacks

Male readers may wish to turn away……….

I thought that after my partial hysterectomy, I would gently slip into menopause and in a few months it would all be over, body recovered, new lease of life. In fact, yes, I do have more energy and feel physically better, running warm all the time is good in winter,  but everything apart from these, right at the moment feels like hell.

I’ve had palpitations on and off since Christmas, which vary from a slightly heavier heartbeat to feeling as if the old thing is trying to turn me upside down. They can be cyclical, they can be random, they may be triggered by tiredness. Panic attacks that I’m going to have a heart attack and die. Slightest ache in my arm or indigestion, I panic. Broken nights sleep – so I have had to resort to having a crash out nap in the afternoon, sometimes twice a week which is ridiculous. But that is getting better as I’ve been working on my fitness (a bit).  When I went to the Docs, and had an ECG and blood test for all this stuff,  no one said oh yes they’re menopause related, didn’t check my notes or remember I had had the hysterectomy, I had to find this out on the internet.

This month, I had breast tenderness and a week of headaches, so began to think, ah the dying signs of it all sorting itself out. Then I went for the yearly check up with the Gynae Doctor and he talked me into taking Oestrogen – manufacturered not natural. In 5 days I felt so ill, I wanted to die and chucked them. Daughter says I shouldn’t have been prescribed it in the first place as I get very occasional migraines with auras – he never asked me. The only good thing was a brief return of a sex life, and I’d quite like that back.

So how long do I have to put up with this? Palpitations back again for over ten days, sad, low and angry (although there are other things triggering these). What’s the point in taking Oestrogen? I understand my symptoms are due to falling levels – but I was told to take it for only two months -what happens then – do the symptoms return again as the levels drop once more? I’m suffering from lack of correct information and don’t know where to find it. Do I go to the other Gynae doc in Tamsweg, go back to mine and tell him he was wrong to prescribe? Oh, somebody, just tell me what I should do. I believe as a Christian, that I have the power of Christ in me, and I am healed, so why doesn’t this all stop?

What’s the point of even blogging this as people receive my blog but never read it? No one will reply, the only good is in I’m having a rant.