So where's the snow?

Muddling through in Austria; God, life and a small black dog


Growing older


Many of you have read my views on ageing and my own minding not to give into it. And getting freaked out when things do change. Well, I read a lovely book recently, by Adam Houge, Quiet times with Jesus, which uniquely is written in the first person of Jesus speaking straight to you. I don’t agree with all there, the voice at times doesn’t seem the Jesus I know, BUT  here I found a whole new way of thinking about it. Look on life as a pilgrimage to Jesus, finding your way to him through all the seasons of life. I began to see that growing older, which I’ve seen so negatively as illness and mental deterioration doesn’t have to be so. It can be a time of peacefulness and acceptance without the terrors of teenage and the exhaustion of being  a Mum. It’s a way to a perfect goal.

Life has to be seen from both sides, if its to be a full experience. I can live with these ideas, and will ponder on! Thank you Adam!

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Why getting old freaks me out!

Mum, Gran and my brothers, pre me!

Telling you about Gran, is a beginning of my explanation of why I just see getting older as a negative thing, that in it there’s nothing positive.  This drives Dave nuts, but I can’t help it!  Seeing both Gran and Mum’s world shrink around them as they got older, makes me so conscious that this is trying to happen to me too.  Mum increasingly wouldn’t drive out of her comfort zone. I’ve never been a confident driver, resorting into panic with the unexpected, but I’m making a conscious effort of trying new places, when we go on holiday not leaving it all to Dave.  I’ve seen it in Paggy too, as his world in the past five years has shrunk to his flat.  He talks about visiting his farm in Czechoslovakia, but he never goes.  He bemoans about his stroke that stopped him driving and I think, didn’t you foresee that at some stage your life might change, did you really imagine you’d go on forever? I can’t see anything positive in being old, someone think of something?

Clothes are another old thing too.  I still see people dressed as they were in the 1940s and 50s,but  maybe they’re just being carefull. Now I’ve never been one for fashion, but I hope what I wear (mostly jeans and jumpers)  isn’t dating, but when I see how little my daughter wears, and the skimpy it is, I just couldn’t face wearing the stuff, I’d feel naked.  So am I already the equivalent of the Granny in the old straw hat and brown coat?

Music, Mum used to go on about Glenn Miller, and I’d think that’s soooo old, but maybe I’m no better in liking 70s stuff. But then again, look at how many radio stations still belt out the stuff.  And I do like Trance, and bands such as Hurts, so maybe I’m not too bad on that one. I hope I wont be stuck in a home being made to sing stuff from the second world war – Dave’s Dad caused a real upset in his when he wanted some Eminem played – good for you John!

Then I’ll think what will it that will get me – illness or heart?  As if I could be prepared for it.  I use my faith as I’ve talked about to rebuke such thoughts! I see a close friend of mine becoming steadily more forgetful and fear to speak to her about it. Something will get us, the best to hope for is an unexpected swift end, at home in bed!

Yet I see myself parked in a home one day, and I wont expect duty visits where the kids look at their watches.  As long as I have a window on a garden or a view it’ll be ok. I dareasy I’ll have my Ipod and digital photo frame and will live in my head! These may be the only possessions I’d need!!!! I wont be grumpy about whatever gifts I’m given like Mum,  thanks heavens for Amazon wish lists.  I’ll always accept fresh flowers and soft centred chocolates and bath creams!    I will always be changing my place around so it doesn’t look set in one era. Eating well and exercising, maybe they’ll keep all this at bay!

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Digital Photo Frames

With a mate, eight years ago!

Dave was given once of these wonderful things on his birthday and we loaded all the pictures of us and the kids since we they were born.  I had spent a couple of weeks previously photographing the family albums (which I had found easier than scanning)  and creating digital files on the PC. I was banned from any of my landscapes though!

So we set it up and its placed next to the TV – when its on its quite a distraction.  So suddenly we’re seeing ourselves 15, 20, 30 years ago and can see how our kids grew and changed.  Its like going back in time, and where I’ve said in my down moments, that I miss my kids, its been like I’ve got them back again. Memories of the times, camping trips with our dog Ratty, Christmases, birthdays and random days out,  all back again and its great.

But there is a downside.  I’ve always managed to get behind the camera, hating my photo taken, never having been one for looking at myself in the mirror or wearing makeup. So to see myself then and HOW OLD I LOOK NOW -ARGGHHHHHHHHH! Dave says we should wear our years with pride but I cannot empathise with that.  I got very thin at one stage, even getting a mild eating disorder, but when I got over this, when I was about 40, I think I look great, but now with the greying hair, wrinkles and my eyes seem to be disappearing in a squint, I look an old bag! What shall I do?  Well I’ll get my hair back in its old shorter style and dye the grey away, go on a diet, but I guess I’ll have to live with the rest!!!!!