My 60th birthday today, and to celebrate, here is the new version of my first book, Tom. Newly edited, new cover but still a great read!
Our little house group asked for a kickstart, and this is what we got! We all have an instinctive knowledge of God, but it is at our peril that we ignore him when we opt in or out of belief.Bevere uses an allegory to show just what will happen to us, not only when we die, but on the judgement day. Scary and a real wake up call. It’s there in the Bible, but we all pass it by with complacency.As Christians, believing in Jesus, yes, we do get to heaven, but there is a life accounting to be made. I’m sure that I’m not just loving God for the rewards that Bevere goes on about. After all, you don’t love someone for them to thank you. For me, it’s the being with him. But then again, if something I’ve written or said brings a person to know Jesus, I’d like to know, that would be a reward for me.My first reaction was to yell, help to God, is this true? I’m sorry if I’ve goofed, let‘s start again, I repent. I thought I was in your will. Out walking I began praying in tongues and at work listening to the Bible on the phone, it took a while to find a UK voice! Not that it would make God love me anymore, but to let his word and spirit wash over me and clean and heal me. Was I still his beloved Anna? When I was a new Christian I heard this said behind me and jumped out of my skin!Then I began to consider the peace I had found writing and claimed that I felt this IS his will. He had given me the plots for the books in dreams, and I feel such a peace and contentment in this life now I’m doing it. Especially when creating, I can’t wait for the new day, however mundane.I began to wonder if my not writing, which I started in 1991, if I had kept on, what sort of writer for him I would now be. I have a talent for wrong decisions. Now I’m right and I’m holding on to it.I was also convicted that I needed to be giving Dave more respect, and to stop moaning and grumbling about him in my head, and when I asked Holy spirit, he stopped me (well mostly) we are so happy at the moment, even if not perfect. Both loners together, at this point of my change, I am so happy with him and he seems so too. I am at times aware of how much I do love him and when I’m engulfed in that, I send that feeling of love on to God as well.The other morning, while walking the dog, I was saying to God how do I witness to people in my situation here at the moment, the answer came autobiography, so that will come next year. Something I’ve avoided for years. I feel as if I’m in the calm, centre eye of the storm in his safety. I am in the right place now!Not that there aren’t lessons. Reading Bevere, about being jealous of other’s successes. I am. I must realise these books are Gods, funded by his money. I need to let God market and concentrate on writing his words. But being a perfectionist, I have to go on and on at the words till I feel they are perfect. But he okayed using the book marketing company, so he will use them. It’s his money.The Bevere book also has the best explanation of dying to self I’ve read. It’s the world set of carnal values that are about you, money, politics, ideology, replacing them with Jesus, so these values just don’t mean anything to you. Only God.Lastly healing. I’ve had my diverticulitis, my unbelief due to the symptoms taking over. I believe in speaking to my mountain as I am a born again Christian and believe the power of the risen Christ is in me. So now I say, in the carnal, symptoms you are toast, you are being treated by carnal medicine, and you are healed supernaturally. Illness, you’re pants. As you see or imagine yourself well, that builds hope, increases faith and enables the healing. A recent bug, I said you have a day symptoms, then you are gone, and the next morning they were! My unbelief is shrinking and my faith building, but I have a long way to go.
As I was driving back from dog walking this afternoon, it suddenly struck me, that in the car, pootling around the Lungau, especially in beautiful weather with the window down, this is the biggest place where I praise God and glory in his creation. Maybe it’s because the body is physically occupied with driving and part of the brain with watching the road, and the rest, in this active quietness is set free to seek him and revel in his beauty around me. I’ve been very at peace lately, but worried I’ve been ignoring him, but he’s here and something is getting free, I’m tuning my face to him in thanks, that is my main focus with him at the moment.
Where is your praise place?
After the Salt Service as I’ve called it, I came back and told Dave all about it, wish he’d been there. But he was minding dogs and hiding behind his excuse that he doesn’t understand everything. I’ll make him go next time so he can talk to the Asylum seekers as they were speaking in English!
The service had me thinking what do we do? Then J Johns was preaching and the simplicity of his Ministry struck me, just do what you can do, and God will do the rest- and the places he’s been led are extra-ordinary. So all I can do at the moment is write this and lead the Housegroup. He went on to talk about how people may have been Christians for 10 years, also may have been to 1000 services, prayed 15000 times but never told anyone about Jesus. I feel ashamed. Am I so scared of losing the friends I have, but I will never force the issue, but if someone asks, I’ll be right in there!
Anyway, for some time I’ve felt with the Bible group and the Church that we’re just treading water. Maybe this Christmas is time to do something for people in Tamsweg.
I’m very aware of the Asylum seekers, and that I’m a foreigner myself, but how many locals get missed under the influx? I was talking to someone about a lady on the Meals On Wheels run, who is in her 80s and lives with her disabled daughter. They potter on in a symbiosis, to take them apart would kill them I’m sure, well meaning interference can be so damaging. She rarely remembers what day the food is coming but she has cooked. But could we bless them in some way?
Then I though of Carol Singing and then remembered I can’t sing. I’ll put this to the Housegroup when we meet again. We can’t go on meeting and chatting and not moving on spiritually, I don’t want to spend me Christian life on milk and water…….
I will regain my joy of working with Dave and not get grumpy when he uses his lecturing voice, he’s often right, I should tell him! I need to listen to the Holy Spirit and be able to discern his voice. He started training me when I was dog walking. JUst go to the bridge, but I went on, dog ate something yucky and threw up over the sofa, another time went on, not knowing sheep were there – much barking. And all the warnings before the accident.
I do worry about my kids. I let them go, I miss them so much, but they must have their lives. And who knows, in ten years we could be back in the UK or they could be here, I must think more long-term. Things change, people and situation. I must live with the missing them in the present.
Last Sunday morning, I was feeling a little sad, as Linda and I were sitting alone in the Chapel, feeling that no one was coming to the service and we’d have to go home. Then Heidi arrived in a rush having been stuck behind a bus all the way from Murau! Everyone else followed just after 10 o’clock, just like the UK services! What a relief!
We then had a wonderful service, which blew me away, the sermon I’ll write about in another post.
The Professor had brought three of the asylum seekers, heavens knows what they thought as it wasn’t a traditional service. And of course, we (me) brand the seekers with a dismissive brush but these three blokes had me interested, they were Christians from Iran, I wondered where their families are.
All this was just after I had been wingeing to Dave about how I missed the UK services, with good music, praise and a tangible feeling of the Holy Spirit! Everything was there and what bowled me over was this was something Heidi had prepared, God working in advance! But maybe the preparation was for the Asylum seekers, not me!!!!
I apologized to Holy Spirit if I was causing this feeling of overwhelming sadness, by my attitude and asked him to forgive me. I’ve had this as a premonition before but wasn’t so in this case, it was my attitude that stank. In fact for a few days, I’d been waking with a oh no, I’ve got this to do, gloom, gloom and realised this was from you know who and rebuked it!
The songs, one of which was Amazing Grace were all known to me, even if we sang in German, and I welled up with tears as I do when I’m praising/feeling God in a service. I’m not saying that I rely on these emotions to experience God, but I more open to him when the songs move me.
I haven’t felt so much love around me for a long time, I felt healed and full, that I’m back. The Car accident took me on a journey away from his presence because of the injury in my spirit. I knew I was wandering away and Dave chided me for walking the dog when Andrew Wommack is on TV – I will try to take some podcasts when dog walking but I need to hear around me. But I’m studying again, having never relinquished the two chapters a day, I’m reading about the Galatians and its like I’ve never read it before.
My passion is back.
My thanks to James Goll for this!
This share really struck home to me. I’ve been whingeing and whining about our future here and why doesn’t he answer our long term prayers! Of course, Jesus is the word, and the word of God is in the Bible and the word is spirit.
So I decided to take another tack. Rather than sitting at the desk with a notebook or anxiously praying for a revelation, I was going to take the Gospels and read them, and keep reading. Letting the Word and Spirit sink into me, not questioning, not analyzing, almost reading it like a novel. Let it pour into me. And so I have been doing. I have seen things and the Holy Spirit has shown me things which I have had to make note of, but the biggest effect is just the word filling the part of my brain that reads leading it into my spirit.
Any changes or answers yet? No but a re-kindling of a closeness, something coming alive in me again. Doesn’t mean that I’m still not frustrated and angry and a bit desperate about our long term future here, but underlying is the deeper calm. I’ve to stop clutching at straws, trying to imagine how God will resolve this, I’ve had so many false hopes here and I will not accept them any more. I cannot see how the situation will be resolved, but I’m stopping trying to manipulate. Just let him fulfill the already answered prayer, and with the authority of the Risen Christ within me, I command change! Watch this space!