This photo, was so moving that I asked Cee Neuner if I could use it. It’s of a 90-year-old lady who hadn’t been on a horse for 50 years, so it’s really a happy shot but it makes me feel sad.
So many themes in my life, I’m questioning, wondering about, feeling sad, angry and confused.
My decision to walk away from horses as there was no future here with them for me-is that time really over? If I rode again, would I be a bundle of nerves and have to start all over again?
My own childhood was filled with seeing the effects of ageing on my Grandmother, her stroke and dementia, the constant battle between her and my mother. Having to decide to hate one and love the other. Seeing my own mother die from what for her was the most humiliating form of cancer. Consequently being unable to handle friends growing old and declining, causing me either to act in anger or walk away. Being unable to handle my own changes as I get older too.
This picture touched something deep inside, the message of being never being too old. I will have to look at it for a long time until I get what it’s saying to me.