Telling you about Gran, is a beginning of my explanation of why I just see getting older as a negative thing, that in it there’s nothing positive. This drives Dave nuts, but I can’t help it! Seeing both Gran and Mum’s world shrink around them as they got older, makes me so conscious that this is trying to happen to me too. Mum increasingly wouldn’t drive out of her comfort zone. I’ve never been a confident driver, resorting into panic with the unexpected, but I’m making a conscious effort of trying new places, when we go on holiday not leaving it all to Dave. I’ve seen it in Paggy too, as his world in the past five years has shrunk to his flat. He talks about visiting his farm in Czechoslovakia, but he never goes. He bemoans about his stroke that stopped him driving and I think, didn’t you foresee that at some stage your life might change, did you really imagine you’d go on forever? I can’t see anything positive in being old, someone think of something?
Clothes are another old thing too. I still see people dressed as they were in the 1940s and 50s,but maybe they’re just being carefull. Now I’ve never been one for fashion, but I hope what I wear (mostly jeans and jumpers) isn’t dating, but when I see how little my daughter wears, and the skimpy it is, I just couldn’t face wearing the stuff, I’d feel naked. So am I already the equivalent of the Granny in the old straw hat and brown coat?
Music, Mum used to go on about Glenn Miller, and I’d think that’s soooo old, but maybe I’m no better in liking 70s stuff. But then again, look at how many radio stations still belt out the stuff. And I do like Trance, and bands such as Hurts, so maybe I’m not too bad on that one. I hope I wont be stuck in a home being made to sing stuff from the second world war – Dave’s Dad caused a real upset in his when he wanted some Eminem played – good for you John!
Then I’ll think what will it that will get me – illness or heart? As if I could be prepared for it. I use my faith as I’ve talked about to rebuke such thoughts! I see a close friend of mine becoming steadily more forgetful and fear to speak to her about it. Something will get us, the best to hope for is an unexpected swift end, at home in bed!
Yet I see myself parked in a home one day, and I wont expect duty visits where the kids look at their watches. As long as I have a window on a garden or a view it’ll be ok. I dareasy I’ll have my Ipod and digital photo frame and will live in my head! These may be the only possessions I’d need!!!! I wont be grumpy about whatever gifts I’m given like Mum, thanks heavens for Amazon wish lists. I’ll always accept fresh flowers and soft centred chocolates and bath creams! I will always be changing my place around so it doesn’t look set in one era. Eating well and exercising, maybe they’ll keep all this at bay!