Since I discovered the scheduling button I’ve put a load of blogs on but now have caught up with myself and need some new stuff. It’s now early July and lovely summer. After our friends came and stayed and we had a trip to Tirol, I was exhausted, couldn’t sleep and just couldn’t catch up on myself. This lead to deep gloom and bad temper. Exacerbated by that Erna too. There has been one joy, and that’s teaching a young Croatian girl to ride, a highlight!
Michaela and I had a couple of relaxed days working and it was fine, then it was back to the three of us. Erna’s completely insane about cleaning – it was so embarassing when she went in the Rittersaal which was all nicely laid out with candles by one of the teachers, obviously for some sort of end of course celebartion and she insisited on us putting it all away, and then the teacher returned…….. On the last shift I was ignored, shouted at ( I was actually waiting for instructions!), and to beat it all, she fetches bananas for herself and Michaela and none for me. Oh the injustice! There’s an Erna ban on me scrubbing,(except when its puke) I do it too dry apparently, so the two twits do all the work and I’m left hanging around and then they’re tired! I had a day on my own today and as there’s a film company in the Burg it was chaos and I couldn’t do much in the half hour before lunch so I sat with Gabriel in the Hof and chatted, watching the workmen putting up some sort of stage. Rosie – the head cook and Erna’s main buddy saw us. So I’m waiting for tomorrow to see if I get a moaning at for sitting. On our last shift Erna also contradicted everything I said. I feel if I’m going to be so treated I’ll take my MP3 player with me and ignore them! If she moans I’m going home. Yet we don’t have Erna much more this month (twice), and but a few times in August and not in September. Is it worth making a fuss? I’m not going back next year, God I’m sorry; whatever lesson you needed to teach me, I’ve got the point. No where does it say in the Bible that I have to be a victim. I’m at the end of being able to live in peace with her. I have such a sense of frustration, with the Therapy work , constant delays – Edith having been ill, my shifts not right and now she’s away for a week. Her old horse really needs feeding up for the winter, he’s too thin now but she does nothing about it, despite my constantly asking her. Dave has been great but is one of his phases of criticising all I do, the other day it was what I do with the butter knife and so on. I just have this huge rage in me which says WILL SOMEONE JUST LISTEN TO ME? Maybe this is all the frustration from childhood seeping through and maybe it’ll be resolved.