For the rest of last week, Michaela and I were Erna free, and I hate to admit it but another pair of hands would have helped! But darn it, we cleaned good and did all we were asked. The men in tights were back for the weekend- the Knights, some nice bums there….Saturday I was on my own with my MP3 and at peace, and it was good to do just a three hour shift. The tiredness was copeable, one afternoon last week I slept for two hours in the afternoon! Now with the lack of Erna stress, I calmed and began to be able to sleep properly again. We did have a blip with Rosie over some tables but I said to Michaela we must allow her as she’s not well.
Dave and I were watching Joyce Meyer last week who was talking about being in a bad mood.
It was one of those moments when she spoke straight to me and I cringed. I so identified with her talking about how someone had upset her and she spent all night stewing about it. Then the friend in the morning wasn’t even aware there was a problem! Just what I was doing with Erna, allowing my negative thoughts to make me depressed. Joyce quoted Romans 12, verses 9 to 21. This talks about living in peace, not repaying evil with evil, but with good. Living at peace with others as far as is possible for you to do and much more. I had my message from God. Until I learn to deal with this for once and for all, I can change jobs and where I live, but there will always be someone difficult to be with and I must learn to cope with it. Bless and do not curse; I didn’t know where to start but the place seemed to be with a simple smile, I couldn’t think of anything more.
I tried the smile and even eye contact. The day went well. She gave me the broom. Of course she found bits I missed, but I took this with good grace and asked her for instructions. Maybe God has spoken to her, but even at the end of the day when she was saying how hard we must clean the Tower, she remained gentle and didn’t scream at us. I’d been expecting an explosion all day. Maybe her back ache made her give up the broom. It was flippin hard work, getting up and down off my knees to check under the bed, but I found the first sock of the year!!!!! I even managed to have an adult conversation about cleaning Helmuth’s room with Rosie. But that night I was soooooooo tired and slept so badly that I had to take a sleeping pill. Then I thought maybe I’m hungry and went and had a secret snack at about 1am and was out like a light. Maybe, where I’m being so carefull about my diet, I actually not sleeping due to hunger. I seem to have lost the ability to recognise when I’m really s0 – not just the snacking thing. So for the rest of this week, I’ve eaten more, had a doze in the afternoon and feel so much better for it.
Yet why does what was so right last year now feel wrong at the Burg? I’ve almost decided not to go back next year. I really don’t need to be dealing with the tiredness. Michaela and I have cleaned so hard and so well, we’ve scrubbed the stone stairs from the top of the tower to the ground floor, the exhibition room, all of the tower rooms, really next week, things should lighten up. However I still have a sense of the wall being in front of me again, this lacking of direction, maybe having missed a turning……
Tomorrow is Friday and a shift change with Erna. We have only two areas (trakts) to do, we imagine Erna will want to scrub the rooms, if she feels we have too little to do and we’re both knackered. Michaela says she’s had enough of Erna coming on once a week and throwing her weight about. If she kicks off again, she’s off to Helmuth. Here we go again!!!!!!!!!
Yesterday was really funny, we’d had a breakdown in communications with Helmuth and Michaela didn’t need to come in, although she did and then she thought she was going to go home, but Helmuth asked her to stay. If only I could have had a photo of what the horrified expressions on my and Erna’s face must have been as we thought we might have to work together all day! Now a weekend off and some time to recharge the batteries!