I’ve been enjoying living on an emotionally level playing field for quite a while now, having ascribed it to the ‘change’, with maybe a slight hot flush and steadily irregular cycles. Then two weeks late, I get zapped by all the negative hormones that surround that time, and I’m once again miserable, bad tempered and angry, all within the space of 24 hours!
This was then not helped by a really rotten day at work. Erna is not easy to work with, in fact she’s totally manic, obsessed with scrubbing every floor and just doesn’t admit that this stupid foreigner is even rated as a coherent human being. I told both her and Michela where we had to work, so I was ignored, and of course where they started people were sleeping. She even insisted on sweeping the corridor outside, which is noisy in a silent castle, especially when I said she was waking people up. All this because the ladies doing breakfast in the castle were late and she couldn’t wait five minutes for them to get ready. She told Michaela off because we’d missed a staircase out, not me, I didn’t even register, which was unfair on Michaela. Then later when they were looking at a smelly loo and I pointed out that the porcelain was cracked, the water low and so the smell was coming from there – of course it was just the village idiot talking and I was ignored as usual. By the time she was insisting we washed some floor I told Michela she could do it herself and walked off to the next room. I’m so glad that I didn’t do anymore than this because I had to later make sure she was available to work the days I want off when George is here. All my reactions were doubled by these flipping hormones and the next day it was going round and round in my head what I’d have liked to have said – beyond the point of normality. I’d rebuked them, prayed against them, cursed them to no avail. In the end I cried to Holy Spirit that I just couldn’t cope anymore. Half an hour later I felt normal again. Anger, self-pity and self-righteous indignation gone. Level playing field returned. Had I been trying too hard in my own strength to battle these things?
Ps Micheala has since told me that Erna was exactly the same last year to her, so in an odd way thats a comfort!