We often watch the white water rafters going over the Madling waterfall, but this time I noticed a dog in the boat when they tied up the leap out and swim across the river. Was it having a ball or not?
The flower bed that I watch from my kitchen windows has been laid to rest! The years when I was busy working let the grass in, and as expected a certain puppy playing with her mate has done the rest.
I have a new bed alongside the veggy plot which I am weeding!
So we let it got this summer, and have just mowed it. Some big perennials have been left to move in the spring, but its now gone -aahhh!
But it does mean we have a bigger area to sit on in the shade in the hot weather.
It seems to be a time of going towards harvest. Quite often, we remark that there’s a coolness in the morning. Some of the trees shed a few leaves apples and plums are ripening. This year, there has been a bumper crop of all the fruits. My Elderberry tree is laden, hopefully for great wine. The jet stream is having another blip as I write with cold and rainy weather. But there’s a threat of back up to +30 for this weekend. I was trying to define this stage of August and I think its best as autumnal foreshadowing, as its a long time before the trees change, and its a time of ripening. Love it!
Everytime we watch her on TV, or we read one of her books, ZAP! It’s as if she’s speaking right to me, pointing things out through the Holy Spirit, and sometimes, I just wish she would leave me alone!!!!!!
We’ve been studying Power Thoughts in our Housegroup, and on the section ‘I will not live in fear’ I got zapped again on a small section but which the Holy Spirit has since been teaching me more deeply, but like so many things he’s pointed out to me, (such as why I can’t cope with friends who age) I get to the realization of its effect on my life but don’t know what to do about it, or how I/He will resolve it.
Approval Addiction is a form of fear. I didn’t have a father around and its lead me to seek approval, and even put on pedestals men in authority around me, mostly pastors and ministers. I want their approval. It hurt me so much to be fatherless, but a few years ago, by chance I found out that he had been around after my birth, so he must have held me as a babe, that is a huge comfort, maybe I need to work on that. As Joyce says, I’m trying to get the approval of these men in replacement for my missing father. Its only with these figures this exists. It explains why I cannot relate to God as a Father, all I can think is that he will abandon me, which is directly in the face of all that I read and believe is true in the Bible. I dislike praying to God the Father intensely. I have no trust for such a figure. I would like to see an A-sexual parent/leader, (not feminine) , but it’s not biblical.
Am I afraid of personality types? Increasingly as I grow older, I’m scared of men especially if they have been drinking or are in a group I’ve no idea what all that is about. I’m becoming more and more private and Dave says Prudish compared to when I was younger.
Now for the biggest zap. In looking after our holiday houses, we had a bit of a blip with a new one. I didn’t check that the heating had come on when I turned the electricity on and then, when I did, thought I’d switched it off. It was a storage heater and would take a while to cool. I had let myself get in a state of rush and panic as I wasn’t sure when the guests would arrive, it took me ten minutes to change a hoover bag as I was in such a state, I just wasn’t thinking as I looked in the fuse box.
The guests arrived during the heatwave, and they found the flat just a tad hot. I went over and switched off everything I could, but the heater still needed time to cool. They were Italian and we had to communicate via google to understand each other. I should have checked, though Dave said the owner should have turned it off as he had the others. Eventually it cooled.
I always want everything right and correct and I try to take responsibility when maybe I’m not (eg car accident)- I drive Dave mad when I correct him in conversation and I really need grace to keep my mouth shut and realise its not important if something is wrong. It’s why I hate failure or mistakes why because it causes withdrawal of approval when you get something wrong -arrgggggghhhhh!
Then we had some new guests at another house, and I went over and had a lovely chat with them, told them all about the area, what there was to do, and we saw them at the end of the week when we went to fix a blown fuse. It then came to me, I love doing this, because I have complete approval from people at such a time, they are happy, and pleased with all I say. Then they mentioned one of our friends had cycled past and given them some ideas I hadn’t, and I was SO cross, how dare he interfere and make me feel I’d done a bad job, well he can’t take over the job with the messed up weekends, cleaning and ironing. I even had this all through my head, keeping me awake in the night, till Holy Spirit pointed out, this guy was fast asleep in his bed with out an idea of what I was thinking! It came back again during Church and I really had to make an effort to let it go, it’s just him being him. Forgive.
It’s all about approval. I’m going to buy Joyce’s book to help me. I can renew my mind but I need practical help with all this. I also realised that I slip all the time. If I had asked God to help me with the hoover bag, with sorting the heating, each thing in each day, maybe things would have been different. I’m such a twit. Jabbering him in the morning then ignoring him, doing it all in my own strength. I’m now trying to blither on at him, ask him for help all the time, so I don’t screw up so much – oh crumbs, is that another form of fear?
Then in the same Church service, a Dutch couple came along, they were on holiday. They work for the Evangelical Alliance in Prague, Church planting and outreach.. We had a huge chat (in English, I did apologise) and I hope to hear from them when they are home. God does use the damaged of the world, and I’m so glad, cos its and uphill climb with me!
After the Salt Service as I’ve called it, I came back and told Dave all about it, wish he’d been there. But he was minding dogs and hiding behind his excuse that he doesn’t understand everything. I’ll make him go next time so he can talk to the Asylum seekers as they were speaking in English!
The service had me thinking what do we do? Then J Johns was preaching and the simplicity of his Ministry struck me, just do what you can do, and God will do the rest- and the places he’s been led are extra-ordinary. So all I can do at the moment is write this and lead the Housegroup. He went on to talk about how people may have been Christians for 10 years, also may have been to 1000 services, prayed 15000 times but never told anyone about Jesus. I feel ashamed. Am I so scared of losing the friends I have, but I will never force the issue, but if someone asks, I’ll be right in there!
Anyway, for some time I’ve felt with the Bible group and the Church that we’re just treading water. Maybe this Christmas is time to do something for people in Tamsweg.
I’m very aware of the Asylum seekers, and that I’m a foreigner myself, but how many locals get missed under the influx? I was talking to someone about a lady on the Meals On Wheels run, who is in her 80s and lives with her disabled daughter. They potter on in a symbiosis, to take them apart would kill them I’m sure, well meaning interference can be so damaging. She rarely remembers what day the food is coming but she has cooked. But could we bless them in some way?
Then I though of Carol Singing and then remembered I can’t sing. I’ll put this to the Housegroup when we meet again. We can’t go on meeting and chatting and not moving on spiritually, I don’t want to spend me Christian life on milk and water…….
I will regain my joy of working with Dave and not get grumpy when he uses his lecturing voice, he’s often right, I should tell him! I need to listen to the Holy Spirit and be able to discern his voice. He started training me when I was dog walking. JUst go to the bridge, but I went on, dog ate something yucky and threw up over the sofa, another time went on, not knowing sheep were there – much barking. And all the warnings before the accident.
I do worry about my kids. I let them go, I miss them so much, but they must have their lives. And who knows, in ten years we could be back in the UK or they could be here, I must think more long-term. Things change, people and situation. I must live with the missing them in the present.
Paggy’s Bullfinches have stayed the summer, especially as I’ve kept up the sunflower seeds, and recently they brought their new baby to feed from the table.
So excited was I, shots aren’t quite in focus, hmmmmmmmm
One upshot of me feeding the Bullfinches is that I’ve also been feeding an extended family of Greenfinches and Great Tits, all of whom bicker and argue about sharing the table. And there’s a certain puppy that has caught four of them and brought them in to me as trophies……
I’ve gone through nearly 25kg of sunflower seeds in about six weeks, I can see that this winter I’ll have to restrict the amount I put out or we’ll be going without to keep them fed!
The Turrachbahn in Lintsching, just as the weather was turning.